Dear LGBTQIA Community:


I am not just with you, I am one of you.

It has taken me a very long time to publish those words in a place that people from my hometown would see, where my family could possibly read them. I haven’t necessarily been shy about acknowledging my non-heteronormative identity around friends and in the comments sections of other blogs, but I have never really, at least until last week, published anything on the blog or in my social media that confirmed I’ve dated women.

Obviously, that has been a deliberate decision.

For one thing, I still don’t know what I am, what label to choose. There’s no real definition that fits the complex nature of my sexual identity. I find women attractive. I find men attractive. I find androgyny incredibly attractive. Mostly, though, I am less sexually attracted to people than aesthetically so. Maybe I’m what the kids these days call biromantic demisexual? I don’t know. I don’t really need to name it—but not being able to attach that label means that talking about my orientation is more complicated for me.

There’s another reason that I haven’t really said much, though–because I can easily blend in, I do. Because I met the partner of my dreams and he was decidedly male, because we are both cis-gender, we look like a heteronormative couple.  I hide behind my cis-gender, heterosexual marriage and heteronormative life. It is easy and safe. So many of you do not–cannot–hide. I don’t have to incur the same struggles that so many of you do, something I am always are of.

Many of you lost your lives this weekend because you did not hide. And I want you to know: I see you, and you are brave and beautiful and fearsome.

I am sorry that we’ve failed you, that we keep failing you. I am sorry that your lives are made more difficult–that many of your lives have ended–because of sex and sexuality. I am sorry that I still often say “your” in these discussions instead of “our” because I have a complex relationship with my sexuality and wouldn’t know how to identify myself if I tried. I’m sorry I haven’t been more vocal.

I am with you, always.

**This post is an edited version of a Facebook note I posted this weekend. On it, I listed several ways to give to LGBTQIA organizations in New Orleans and to the victims of the Pulse Orlando shooting. I’d like the comments section here to be a place where we post ways to give to the LGBTQIA Community. If you know of an organization doing good work that needs funding and/or volunteers, please feel free to post a link to to their organization here. I’ll start here:
Last Call: New Orleans Dyke Bar History Project, an organization in NOLA dedicated to chronicling the history of lesbian-centered spaces in New Orleans and their virtual disappearance;
GoFundMe for Leonel Mendez, a NOLA local who is in a coma after the Pulse shooting this weekend;
and a GoFundMe for Victims of the Pulse Shooting.

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    • says

      Me too. I used bisexual as my label for a long time, but it only sort-of fits because for the most part, my attraction to people is on an aesthetic, not a sexual, level.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. says

    I know I am definitely heterosexual but believe that one’s sexuality is exactly that. Not something that you can change at whim. I find what happened in Orlando abhorrent and I too stand with the LGB community offering my support and condolences. Congratulations Diana on being so honest (and brave) in your letter.

    Liked by 1 person

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